Al Bundy Quotations Women and Sex

Al Bundy's quotes/quotations about women and sex, some of em are very funny and hilarious. Some are really hard ones, ladies please don't mind... Its just for humor.


Women, you can not live WITH them ... End.

Bed them, but do not wed them.

Six dollars is too much dough, to waste on a woman.

Only widowers have angels as women.

Sex gets better every time ... as long as it is not always with the same woman.

That's no lady. That's my wife!

Wife standing near, soon comes a tear.

Women, what are they good for? 2 C's: cooking and kitchen.

The women need us as much as we need them. And why? We can get it to them. Her mother and she can not imagine a battery.

As long as I do not pay for it, to me nothing is too good for my wife.

Women have it like to be staring at her like a piece of beef.

I HAVE to sleep after sex does not sleep ... I WILL! I long for the darkness.

Ah! The home shopping channel! Man! That's a good idea for women. It was always hard to go with a sofa strapped to my ass in the department stores.

If there was no beer, there were at least three people who were not married: me, Jefferson, and possibly Lisa-Marie Presley.

There is only one kind of kiss. The man stands with eyes closed before the woman and imagines it would be different.

I feel like a shipping company whose tanker has caused an environmental disaster: An unwanted effusion and I paid for it 'till the end of my life.

We all have to live with our disappointments ... I have to sleep with mine.

Coffee after sex? How will that work? How can you drink in a deep sleep?

If you want to have sex, the children must go out. If you want to have great sex, you have to go out!

If I only one of the children from marrying forbid, I have done my duty as a father.

It's okay to drive a gas-guzzlers, if you can tear it bitches.

I guess it's true what they say: You are what you marry.

I have lived, I have loved ... and later I even got married!

Christmas is not a time to repent. For this wedding days are there.

Many a time I look at my wife sitting there much like you and I think 'Go home.' Then the horror hits me. She is home. Now I'm depressed, Steve.

My driver's license has expired? Why can not run even a marriage certificate?

Jokes about men and women

I guess you will love to lol on Jokes about men and women listed below ... kindly enjoy the jokes..

Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she
expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she
respects him.


There was this guy who told his woman that he loved
her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They got married - and
now he is going thru hell.


  A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds : "Wife
wanted ". Next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the
same thing : "You can have mine."

  When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

  It's easy to tell if a man is married or not. Just
watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands
are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.


  A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The
letter said, "If you don't promise to send us $100,000 I swear that we
will kidnap your wife." The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't
keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours."  

  What's the matter, you look depressed." "I'm having
trouble with my wife." "What happened?" "She said she wasn't going to
speak to me for 30 days." "But that ought to make you happy." "It did,
but today is the last day."


WOMEN
When she is 18 - She is a football, 22 men going after
her. When she is 28 - She is a hockey ball, 8 men going after her. When
she is 38 - She is a golf ball, 1 man hitting on her. When she is 48 - She
is a pingpong ball, 2 men pushing to each other.

MEN
At 20 - A man is like a coconut, so much to offer, so little to give.
At 30 - He is like a durian, dangerous but delicious.
At 40 - He is like a watermelon, big, round and juicy.
At 50 - He is like a mandarin orange, the season comes once in a year.
At 60 - He is just like a raisin, dried out, wrinkles and cheap.


Marriage Humor In the beginning,
-- God created earth and rested. Then God created men
and rested. Then God created women. Since then, neither God nor men has rested.

Pain of Married Men

A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband was not in bed.

She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in his hand.

The husband appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I do" she replies.

The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?"

"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued.. "Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have been released today” !!!!!!!!!!!

So my question is, Are you man enough to bear the pain ? :) I hope you liked this funny jokes on marriage