Don't try this at home

ok look when i whas a little boy i loved

(pollitos) thats mexican or spanish for

chiks  not girls but little yellow
chikends  i am not sure what to call them

u know the ones that just came out of an egg

ok so 1 day i learned that this chiks besides
if a big chiken sit's on them they can be made

with some mahine that warms eggs and i thought that whas pretty cool

i whas just a little kid and i had no money for a machine like that

and i had no money to buy a chick

but of course i had lots of eggs

so after sqashing a couple on mi butt for 2 hours and nothin

i remembered that machine so i remembered what it suposed to do

so i decided to put the egg on the microwave

those really old microwaves that went clink

like a bell wen they finish

not digital and it whas a huge i mean huge microwave

i had little eggs left so i decided to use just 1

ok so i put it in and set it on 10 min on high

and im watching tru the window the egg spining around and around

1 hing i forgot to mention is that

the microwave whas on top of the refrigirator

and i had to use a chair and stan on mi toes

ok so its almost 7 min and then the egg starts to move

and i whas geting very very ansius or something like that

i had a huge smile on mi face but...
then out of nowhere

the egg exploded like a bomb

and i when like... WTF i almost felt down

and i wanted to cry beacose i thought i killed it

but that whas the least of mi worryes beacose

mi mom went to the corner to buy some tortillas

tortillas are the ones u make tacos and burritos around here

ok so i know im gona get a big woop a**

so i tried to remove the egg but it whas to hot

so i trow in some water and smoke started to come out

and made some sparks i hought it whas going to be flames

so i remembered that baking pouder its used to put out flames but

i didint know what it looked liked so then

since when i whas little i wanted to be a fire man i remembered that peopel roll over

the floor when they are on fire... so i thought dirt puts out fire also

so i went into the yard and got some dirst and i trow it in there also

i was so scared that i decided to just close it and hide on the bath room and close the door but...

then i decided o go watch some black and white tv so i left the door open

when mi mom came back and yelled..
WHO LEFT THE DOOR OPEN

and she see the big mess.. i play
dumb hu.. what?

what hapend here i say..

and she ask if i did that
and i said

wow i think somebody came in and did this

but then i looked so scared that i got
a big woop ass

but it whas worth it beacose 2 months later i got 8 pesos and i bought me a chick

and i realised a chick its not a good house pet

Shi**s all over makes lots of sound all day and all night chip chip chip
non stop more then a baby

they look cute but bealive me u dont want one

and sooner or later they are gona eat it

but that whas not the case here

beacose i did 1 more mistake like i alwais do

i tried to introduce mi lil chick to my cat

i told mi sister to hold the cat good

but unfortunatly she didint

good bye chick i will alwais remember you

i didint eat chiken for 3 years

but now i do.

Best of funny captchas on internet

Best of funny captchas on internet, i am sure these funny captchas will make you lol ;)
Captcha's are part of vital component on internet, you might come across some funny captcha which you have to type ... Please comment on this post if you come across funny captcha like ones below ...

Funny and hilarious insults

Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...

You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.

All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.

I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.

You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.

Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.

If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!

You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - your face.

You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!

I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.

Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?

Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...

Well, they do say opposites attract...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.

I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!

I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.

I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'.

Lights on, door open, nobody at home.

As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.

He's as happy as a Pig in $hit.

About as welcome as a fart in a telephone box.

About as subtle as a flying brick.

She's got more wrinkles than an Elephant's scrotum.

She's more nervous than a long-tailed dog in a room full of rocking chairs.

As tight as a Camel's arse in a Sand-storm.

She's stroked more wood than a Furniture Polisher.

About as interesting as watching paint dry.

I've seen better looking bodies at a scrapyard.

I've seen better hands on a clock.

As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market.

He's as baffled as Adam on Mother's Day.

She's got half the Black Forest hanging out of her armpits.

As nervous as a turkey at Christmas.

She's seen more ceilings than Michaelangelo.

She ran off quicker than sh*t off a shovel.

She's as fit as a butcher's dog.

She's got a face squeezed like a squeezed tea bag.

As useful as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy arse.

His nose is snottier than a frog in a blender.

Uglier than a hat full of assholes.

As rare as a brass monkey's bollocks.

As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner.

This guy is all foam, no beer.

As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.

About as useless as a jam sandwich to a drowning rabbit.

A legend in his own mind...

He's an expert on padded cells.

He couldn't engineer his way outta paper bag!

Blonde in the appliance store

A blonde walks into an appliance store and says I would like to buy that T.V. please. The store clerk replies Im sorry, we dont do business with blondes. So she stormed off back to her house and dyed her hair black. The next day, she went back to the same store and said I would like to buy that T.V. please.

The store clerk, once again, replies Sorry, we dont do business with blondes. The blonde replied How did you know I was blonde? The clerk says Because thats a microwave, not a T.V.

How to have privacy while surfing internet

These days all who use internet think about their internet surfing privacy, how they can achieve 100% privacy while surfing the internet. Here i found a unique way to protect your internet surfing privacy 100%... I mean it... don't trust me ...

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God Vs. Scientist

God is sitting in Heaven when a scientist says to Him,
"Lord, we don't need you anymore. Science has finally
figured out a way to create life out of nothing.
In other words, we can now do what you did in the 'beginning'."

"Oh, is that so? Tell me..." replies God.

"Well", says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it into the
likeness of you and breathe life into it, thus creating man."

"Well, that's interesting. Show Me. "

So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil.

"Oh no, no, no...." interrupts God,

(I love this)


"Get your own dirt......."

The Avengers Effect

Ever wonder how the movie "The Avengers" effect will have on real human life. And when Pacman talks like an Iron Man this is what happens