Wednesday 27 February 2013

Funny Quotes by Ralph, Homer & Mr. Burns

'Enjoy these rib-tickling funny quotes by famous fiction characters of animated television series.'



Funny Ralph Wiggum's Quotes:

"Lisa: Players play and managers manage.
Ralph: Do alligators alligate?"

"Ralph: I wanna go back inside mommy."

"The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there."

"Me fail English? That's unpossible."

"Principal Skinner, I got car sick in your office."

"My cat's breath smells like cat food!"

"Sticks ice cream cone to forehead."

"Grandma had hair like that when she went to sleep in her forever box."

"Bart: How'd a pull up like you get a great card like that?
Ralph: My not-dead grandma sent it from Tokyo.
Bart: Ralph, I will play you for that card.
Ralph: Okay, but if I win, you'll have to teach me how to play this game"

Funny Homer Simpson's Quotes:

"Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover."

"Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

"I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?"

"Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless."

"If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing"

"Aah! Hey, get off my sugar. Bad bees! Bad! Ow! Oww!! Oh, they're defending themselves somehow."

"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."

"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."

"Money comes and money goes. What I have is my daughter which will be for eight more years."

"Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races."

"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"

"To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?"

"Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers."

"Quiet honey, you don't know how big this government is. It goes all the way to the President."

"Oh, Marge don't you know kids today? Bad means good and shake your booty means wiggle your butt."

"But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder."

"Our forecast calls for flurries of passion followed by an extended period of gettin' it on."

"Let's just plop them in front of the TV. I was raised in front of the TV and I turned out TV."

"Hey, can you take the wheel for a second? I have to scratch myself in two places at once!"

"Black, marbleized with a liquid center. The Stealth Bowler. The pins don't know what hit 'em."

Funny Mr. Burns Quotes:


"Smithers: I'm so happy I could hug you.
Mr. Burns: And have me smell like cheap drug store cologne the rest of the day? You may hug my shadow."

"I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until ... Oh, what the hell. I'll just crush him like an ant."

"I insist you never wear shoes or a proper necktie again. Just house slippers and the most humiliating tie there is - bolo."

"Guard: It's time for a cavity search.
Mr. Burns: Oh, I haven't cavity in forty years.
Guard: I wasn't talking about your teeth.
Mr. Burns: Nor was I."

"Is it a crime to want nice things and then to steal them from a public museum where any gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket can gawk at them? I think not."

"Carl: Sir, your spare ribs, cooked just the way you like them.
Mr. Burns: Spare ribs eh? I've played around with ten pins a time or two in my life and, to me, the term spare reeks of second best. Give me ten full frames of strike ribs. [to Lenny]: And you, find my doctor and find out why I'd ask for something as insane as strike ribs."

Tuesday 26 February 2013

Funny and Strange Situations

'Some situations are really so funny and strange that you can't stop yourself from laughing. We are gathering those funny situations pics so that you could enjoy well.'










Receiving a message in the morning and reading it with one eye open.

Start sneaking your seat-belt on SLOWLY when you see police.

Strange moment when your friend keeps talking and you pretend to be interested.

When you're not sure whether that person's a boy or a girl.

I wish mirrors and pictures would get together already and agree on what I really look like.

No one can walk slower than the person crossing the crosswalk in front of you.

Monday 25 February 2013

Naughty Love Quotes

Romance and love can really make our lives beautiful if we deal with these emotions with loyalty and faith. There are lots of phrases about love, we are going to experience you in this journey. Sometimes, this feeling makes you feel on top of the world and other time, you feel so dark. The desires flow so high that you can not control. You must try your best to take the relationship seriously but sometimes being naughty in love really works well to have good enjoyable time with him/her. Yes, you can experience it here with these love quotes filled with lots of different colors.

To nurture your feelings, emotions and care - you need not to practice anything special. It just happens naturally. Always remember that nothing is more powerful/important than finding true love in life. It is God's greatest blessing to us. Believe in it and live it at its fullest.

Love Quotes versions: Naughty - Romantic - For Him - For Her - Miss You - I Love You - Cute - Unconditional

Love is a magical. It awakens our emotions but it's meaning varies from person to person. It holds the same attitude. Some people call it prayer, some take it as a passion, some believe that it is necessity of good life. You can not live with artificial feelings, you can not fake it. Time clears everything. In-fact love demands sacrifices, mutual-understanding, freedom and concern for one another. It grows naturally. You can not force anyone to love you. It just goes on itself. When it comes to us, our lives become so beautiful like heaven.

Love is the second name of patience. If you love somebody, give them a space, never stop loving them, and if you are really true with your feelings, you will win one day. She/he will be in your arms and that time you come to that it worth it. Quitting means taking pain for lifetime. Keep on fighting for what you deserve and your struggle will worth it. Adding more sentiments in your journey of life, you will later come to know that you really lived a great life.

Definition: The word 'LOVE' has lots of meaning depending on various situations. When baby born, a flow a natural love originates from parents. Siblings have care and concern for each others which is also a form of love. Teachers want their students to achieve extra-ordinary success can also be known as love. It has the element of kindness, affection, compassion and closeness. Some pleasures also consist love like you may love going to places or having delicious meal. But here we are describing the love between men and women who have no blood relation where in teenage they meet and fall in love with one another. Yes, it is known as interpersonal love. They just want each other's company. They can talk with one another for hours. They both have passion for doing something special for each others.

Romantic

My ideal weight is when yours on mine.

Forget the butterflies, I feel all the zoo when I am with you!

I don't want you to write a love letter, just smack me on the back and say "I am glad that as is mine"!

So if you don't like to see me smoking, then you better find another ways to keep my lips busy.
way to keep my lips busy
Sometimes you need not to ask for what you really want. Above quote says it all. Cute words, body language, expressions and eyes say it all. So here man saying that if her girl doesn't want him to smoke, she have to kiss him so that his lips should not feel thirst for it.

It is not being in love what makes me happy. It is being in love only with you what makes me happy.

Not every other person deserve my love. It takes a special quality to be eligible for being my beloved. And with you, I feel a different kind of happiness. So I want to be in love with you only.

You have got a smile that could light up my whole life!

Girl: "Describe me in one word." Boy: "Mine"
How cute! What more sentimental words can there be except saying her 'you are mine'. It makes her feel so special and emotional.

I'll kiss you in the rain so you get twice as wet.
Yes, it really happens. When a girl loves you and you get a chance to love her in the rain, she will get wet by rain and again by you know!

That little moan they make when they stretch.

Crop tops and short shorts.
short shorts

Hey, for me.. you are like Sun.. Because I have a hard time looking at you directly and you make me sweat a lot!

I really feel so bad for those guys/girls who aren't dating me.
Yeah, I am so beautiful and gorgeous but I can date one boy at a time. So others who are in the queue are really so unfortunate. Please adjust, guys!

I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.
- By Madonna

If you received a text from me last night, please disregard it as my phone was drunk.
I really don't want to talk to so what what you always on my mind. That crazy alcohol made me text you yesterday night, so don't blame me for that.

We are unknown for each others but who’d say it’s wrong if we be together?

The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected.
- Nicholas Sparks
Souls are connected
Above love quote is meant for those couples who can not live without one another. Their souls are so much habitual of each others and cannot be relax in distance.

When they play with your underwear.

Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.
- Rose Franken

The most complicated triangle is LOVE TRIANGLE!

Born to please, taught to tease.

This wonder situation comes when a girl is confident enough on her beauty. She knows that boys can not resist her and she wants to make everyone happy.. You know.. Lol.

Don't worry, its only kinky the first time.

What is the difference between female at the ages of 9, 19, 29, 39, 49 and 59?? 9 You take her to bed and tell her a story. 19 You tell her a story and take her to bed. 29 You don't need to tell her any story and take her to bed. 39 She tells you a story and takes you to bed. 49 You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. 59 You stay in bed all day to avoid her story.

Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married.

I'd tell you to kiss my as.. but I am Pretty sure you'd fall in love and then I'd never get rid of you.

I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately!

I don't make mistakes, I just date them.

Never date philosophy majors. My last girlfriend was one and she spent her time proving I didn’t exist.

Coming to my home than make your mind to be naughty with me.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

My girlfriend told me that my lovemaking is just like a news bulletin. Brief, unexpected and usually a disaster.

Being sexy is funny but it creates lots of birds around!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
- Matt Groening, Cartoonist & The Simpson's Creator

Women are good for 70 things, sandwiches and 69.

Today's affairs between lovers are like You can touch each other but you cannot touch each others mobile.

Naughty

Love

I hope you day is as good as you are from below the waist:) <3 Hands sliding up your dress under the table. Hands sliding

Love is saying 'I feel differently' instead of 'You're wrong.'

Listen dear! Do You Want to Know a Secret? But First Promise me, you’ll not share it with anybody..OK, Come closer, Let me whisper in your ear! Say the words you long to hear! I’m in LOVE with you!
in love

Sometimes what we call love is just a settling of old scores, or a seeking of forbidden pain, or a circuitous path to the kingdom of cruelty, or she may simply have confused lack of capital with heroism while searching for rescue without knowing from what.
- Anne Roiphe

I have learned not to worry about love; But to honor its coming with all my heart.
- Alice Walker

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing: Come back to me and forgive everything.
- Moulin Rouge

Pick me up, hang out with me until I fall asleep, then you are free to go.
This love quote expresses teenager's way of living their love lives. They want to go to places with their partners, having fun all the day until they dead tired and then a sound sleep. Wow what a life.

I lost my bed, can I sleep in yours?

I want you sore honey.

You are 100 percent mine and just a mere thought of anyone catching you like a knife twisting in my dark soul.

Your place or mine?

Don't care for those who ignore you, care for those who are ignoring others for you.
This quote is like a wise advise to us. That person is really most valuable person who sacrifices for us, leaves all the important work.. just to be with us and cares for our feelings. Never run for that person who ignores you and doesn't understand your care for them. Appreciate what you have.

When they lightly tickle you sides.

Bring it out, I need it so badly.

GIRL: I wouldn't date you if you were the last person on earth.
BOY: Dumb, if I were the last person on earth, you wouldn't be here!

Massages that turn into passionate love.

When I look into your eyes, I find everything I need.

Goofy girls make wonderful girlfriends.

Could you pull my hair, please?

Me: Hey love, Are you Jealous? She: Nope. Me: Are you sure? Her: Yeah. Me: Than kiss me. Her: GO KISS THAT B!TCH WHO LIKED YOUR STATUS ON FB!

Love Quotes For Him

The strength of a man isn't in how hard he hits. It's in how tender he touches.

A guy like you should be tagged with a warning.

You are my boyfriend. I expect when you see me walking - Sneak me up and hug my waist from behind.. When I’m scared, Protect me.. When I tell you a secret.. keep it safe and untold.. Be with me always!
my boyfriend

If you do something to me what would you do?

A woman knows the face of the man she loves like a sailor knows the open sea.
- Honoré de Balzac

Love withers with predictability; its very essence is surprise and amazement. To make love a prisoner of the mundane is to take its passion and lose it forever.
- Leo F. Buscaglia

I am in love with girls that are bad, naughty, bad-ass, and a little selfish, but I like to watch from a respectful distance!
- Dreama Walker

Love is that feeling you get when you meet someone perfect because you ignore all their faults.

Kisses blown are kisses wasted, kisses are not kisses unless they are tasted.

Kisses spread germs and germs are hated, but anyhow you can kiss me baby I am vaccinated.

What is so hard, long, and has cum in it? A cucumber!

B.R.A. and B.A.R. - have same alphabets, both are drinking zones and have restriction time of closing and opening. Both, When open, drive men crazy!

I am lost in your eyes.

You are so romantic. You have a lyrical soul. You can love under the best and worst conditions. I need you always.

Girls are greedy, They want everything from the same man. Boys are so simple, They want the same thing from every girl.

Within you, I lose myself. Without you but I find myself wanting to be lost again

Having that kind of love is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. - Woody Allen

The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.

You are terribly late, you know.. naughty.

Each time I hear your voice, I hear another reason to keep you forever!

While you were sleeping, I figured out everything, I was constructed for you, and you were molded for me.

I feel too ugly to date attractive people, too attractive to date ugly people.
Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

A tear is made of 1% water and 99% FEELINGS.

Easy way to get laid: First go and lay on bed. Wait 30 minutes. Lay becomes past tense.

Lets flip the coin. Heads.. you are mine. Tails.. I am your. :-)

You can feel that she gets jealous, She gets mad, She gets worried, She gets curious, But that's only because she cares for you.

Shouldn't you be in my room having cup of coffee?

You are not prepared for your next if you're still replying to your ex.
Yes, gone is gone. Don't give it a place in your present life because if you do that you will never able to love the person who is with you. So its better to welcome next and forget ex.

I feel so proud and satisfied of being single... until I notice a happy couple.
I can really make you laugh.. You should date me once.

Awww I love getting those cute secret naughty questions at night.

You are the reason why I believe in condoms.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

If everything is under control, you are going too slow.

You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant (excepting Alice).

The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman's heart.

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings... and lawyers.

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands.

Two of them were just napping.

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

I may not get to see you as often as I like. I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night. But deep in my heart I truly know, you're the one that I love, and I can't let you go.

Now care for some Love Quotes For her so that she could listen your deepest feelings.

I'm easy to feel, but not to fall. I'm easy to love, but not to let go. I'm easy to forgive, but not to forget.

33 years old is significant, because at 33 you can sleep with someone half your age and not go to jail.

In bed without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

Sometimes the greatest moments happen when you least expect it.

Spending most of my day trying to pretend that you're not addicted to phone.

That sexy face she makes when she eats something super sour.

Love is like a butterfly. If you chase after it, it will fly away. But if you are patient, and wait long enough, it will land in your hands.

Don't do it behind the garden gate. Love is blind but the neighbors ain't!

Show feelings, get hurt. Be faithful, get cheated on. Show love, get left. Be honest, get lied to.

How can I lose to such an idiot?

Before I go to sleep I always picture what it would be like to fall asleep in your arms. It's probably the best feeling in the world.

It is amazing how many emotions you can hide behind a smile.

I wonder if I've already met the person I'm going to marry.

I never gave you a reason to hate me. You're just creating your own little drama out of pure insecurity.

I gaze deeply into her eyes I feel as though I am lost in a sea of passion that no man has ever felt before.

May no gift be too small to give, nor too simple to receive, which is wrapped in thoughtfulness and tied with love.

Cute Love Quotes:

Love is like a hole in the heart.

She may be confused about a lot of things, but one thing she knows is that she's happiest when she is with him.

A woman is truly beautiful only when she is naked and she knows it.

Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.

She told me to be more affectionate. So I got four more.

Chastity is curable, if detected early.

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
– Rodney Dangerfield

If a guy doesn’t want to be friends after he broke your heart, it means he loves you too much, or he never loved you from the start.

Talking about me behind my back? That means my life is obviously more interesting than yours.

My style and that appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.

Life is funny, first you want to grow up, then you want be a kid again.

Do you love me because I'm beautiful, or am I am beautiful because you love me?

Behind every great woman, is a guy looking at her moves.

From the bottom of my heart, I hate you.

Love is equal to sharing your feelings, thoughts, fears, weak-points, dreams, hopes, ideas, loneliness and food!

I like naps and you!

Just because I'm not talking, doesn't mean I'm in a bad mood. Sometimes I just like to be quiet.

I try and try to move on with my life, yet every part of me surrenders at the mention of your name.

Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.
- Christopher Marlowe

The prettiest dresses are worn to be taken off. Aren't they?

Just because I flirt doesn't mean I am interested.

Please stop undressing me with your eyes, why don't you use your teeth.

85% of socks are single and I never see them crying about it.

I'm not trying to impress girls or anything but.. You know, yesterday night I slept without a night bulb.

It is enough my future boyfriend. You must now stop playing hide and seek game.

When another girl 'likes' my crush or boyfriend's picture, Yes, I automatically start to hate them with a burning passion.

I have made love with you a lot in my mind.

Gather the rose of love whilst yet is time.
- Edmund Spenser (1552-1599)

I hate them - I believe it, I like them - they suspect me.

I really want to love somebody. I do. I just don't know if it's possible forever and ever.
- Jim Carrey

When a husband brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
- Molly McGee

In the darkest hours of night, there is none I would want more than you to fill me with ecstasy.

Miss You

Deep in my heart I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say. Scared to confess what I'm feeling - frightened you'll slip away."

Whenever I take a breath I miss you.

If I had a shot of vodka for every day that I've missed you, I'd be sober.

Sometimes in class, I wonder for my miss to play the 'who’s a virgin' challenge in their imaginations over class.

I Love You Quotes

Of course there's always "I love you like a fat kid loves cake."

Girls language: Go away means come back, I hat you means I love you, I am fin means I am not okay.

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.
– Brendan Francis

I love you without reason and i think that is reason enough.

We fall in love in the same way we get sick; without wanting to, without believing it, against our will and unable to defend ourselves. And then we lose love exactly the same way.

Unconditional Love Quotes:

Love is something you put your heart and soul into.

The only way love can last a lifetime is if it's unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.
- Stephen Kendrick

Like an old photograph, time can make a feeling fade, but the memory of a first love never fades away.
- Tim McGraw

What women want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What men want: Tickets to the World Series.
- Dave Barry

The unconditional love of God leads to a life of freedom and transforms each day into a potentially wild adventure.
- Randy Elrod

Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.
- Albert Einstein

It should be a privilege to be able to say "I love you" to someone. It shouldn't be something people say just because they feel like it. A privilege that is earned. They say you have to earn the right to be loved; no, love is unconditional, if you love someone, they don't have to earn it. But. The right to tell someone that you love them? That has to be earned. You have to earn the right to be believed.
- C. JoyBell C.

Love is a haunting melody That I have never mastered And I fear I never will.
- William Seward Burroughs (1914-1997)

Can we mingle? Tell me now or or never!

I hug him tightly. "I can’t imagine my life without you, Christian. I love you so much it frightens me." "Me, too," he breathes. "My life would be empty without you. I love you so much."
- E.L. James, Fifty Shades Darker

Men are only as loyal as their options.
- Bill Maher

I really miss those days when we were together and were doing silly thing and enjoying each moments. I wish those days come back.

Thank you very much for spending your precious time here, further you can read here more love quotes.

Most Hilarious Quotes

'Bringing the Extremely Hilarious and Funny Quotes ever to make your hours full of enjoyments. So Ha Ha as loud as possible so that your neighbor could hear sounds and get jealous of your happiness.'

Most Hilarious

  1. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else.
    - Ann Landers
  2. I'd love to mess everything up.
  3. Don't steal. The government hates competition.
  4. Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
    - Jo Brand
  5. Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doctor.
    The Doctor says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
  6. I wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide is a crime.
  7. We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
  8. Stop me before I start making sense.
  9. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
  10. I slept like a baby last night.. Waking up every 2 hours crying for food.
  11. If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor.
    - Jennifer Jones
  12. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  13. If you should die before me ask God if you can bring a friend?
  14. Warning: You have entered a Tact Free Zone.
  15. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
  16. If I had a dollar for every time I think about you, I'd start thinking about you.
  17. Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little
    bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
  18. You're 15... You should be feeling butterflies in your tummy, not a baby kicking.
  19. We've come in the era of smart phones and stupid people.
  20. When I cross a one way road, I still look both sides. Just in case, there are any girl driving.
  21. That boring moment when you looks at the menu for 10 minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.
  22. The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.
  23. They say Magnet attracts. So is that mean if I swallow magnets, will I be attractive?
  24. Making a ton of plans then ending up doing nothing.
  25. Will you please introduce your top lip to your bottom lip and shut the hell up!
  26. I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
  27. If two things don’t fit, but you believe both of them, thinking that somewhere, hidden, there must be a third thing that connects them, that’s credulity.
  28. Death is hereditary.
  29. I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of William Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
  30. I would like to be able to admire a man’s opinions as I would his dog - without being expected to take it home with me.
  31. Getting married at 20 sounds a lot like leaving a party at 9:00pm.
  32. A girl who lives hundreds of miles away texting you I am drunk is like a lasagna texting you from Italy saying I'm delicious.
  33. Sunglasses to protect my eyes from the sun and to protect others from seeing the storm behind them.
  34. That angry moment when you're walking around the house with socks on and you step on a random wet spot.
  35. I don't get why people have to lie to sound important. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to fight crime with The Avengers.
  36. The absolute truth is the thing that makes people laugh.
  37. Get married.. because your shitty day doesn't have to end at work.
  38. I've just realized that 400 of my 650 friends are actually my own fake profiles.
  39. Don’t be so humble - you are not that great.
  40. Don’t drink and park – accidents cause people.
  41. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
  42. Smile. Your enemies hate it.
  43. That extremely annoying moment when you are behind a slow walker and there is nothing you can do to get around them.
  44. The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
  45. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
  46. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
  47. In theory, everything works.
  48. Marriage is like jogging through a puddle of industrial strength rubber glue. You can work hard and make it through the struggles; however, you usually leave your bobby socks and sneakers behind along the way.
  49. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
  50. First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
  51. Deep down I'm a very shallow person.
  52. Guys who have big muscles and a nice car are usually trying to make up for a lost feature.

Sunday 17 February 2013

Google yourself

Sometimes Googling yourself could be a funny way to lol. Here i found a funny picture on internet about googling yourself. Characters involved in the funny photo are Jack and Tracy, Tinay Fey and Tracy Morgan who are very hilarious

Googling yourself

Sunday 10 February 2013

Al Bundy Quotations Women and Sex

Al Bundy's quotes/quotations about women and sex, some of em are very funny and hilarious. Some are really hard ones, ladies please don't mind... Its just for humor.


Women, you can not live WITH them ... End.

Bed them, but do not wed them.

Six dollars is too much dough, to waste on a woman.

Only widowers have angels as women.

Sex gets better every time ... as long as it is not always with the same woman.

That's no lady. That's my wife!

Wife standing near, soon comes a tear.

Women, what are they good for? 2 C's: cooking and kitchen.

The women need us as much as we need them. And why? We can get it to them. Her mother and she can not imagine a battery.

As long as I do not pay for it, to me nothing is too good for my wife.

Women have it like to be staring at her like a piece of beef.

I HAVE to sleep after sex does not sleep ... I WILL! I long for the darkness.

Ah! The home shopping channel! Man! That's a good idea for women. It was always hard to go with a sofa strapped to my ass in the department stores.

If there was no beer, there were at least three people who were not married: me, Jefferson, and possibly Lisa-Marie Presley.

There is only one kind of kiss. The man stands with eyes closed before the woman and imagines it would be different.

I feel like a shipping company whose tanker has caused an environmental disaster: An unwanted effusion and I paid for it 'till the end of my life.

We all have to live with our disappointments ... I have to sleep with mine.

Coffee after sex? How will that work? How can you drink in a deep sleep?

If you want to have sex, the children must go out. If you want to have great sex, you have to go out!

If I only one of the children from marrying forbid, I have done my duty as a father.

It's okay to drive a gas-guzzlers, if you can tear it bitches.

I guess it's true what they say: You are what you marry.

I have lived, I have loved ... and later I even got married!

Christmas is not a time to repent. For this wedding days are there.

Many a time I look at my wife sitting there much like you and I think 'Go home.' Then the horror hits me. She is home. Now I'm depressed, Steve.

My driver's license has expired? Why can not run even a marriage certificate?

Tuesday 5 February 2013

Funny Baby Story

cute funny baby story

Once a baby Girl went to a shop with her mother. The shop keeper looked at the small cute child and showed her a bottle with sweets... And said, "Dear Child, you can take the sweets".

But the child didn't take. The shopkeeper was surprised Such a small child she is and why is she not taking the sweets from the bottle.

Again he said take the sweets. Now the mother also heard that and said, "Take the sweets dear".


Yet she didn't take it. The shopkeeper seeing the child not taking the sweets. He himself took the sweets and gave to the child. The child was happy to get two hands full of sweets. While returning home the Mother asked the child Why didn't you take the sweets, when the shop keeper told you to take..?
cute baby girl story


Can you guess the response: 







Child replies Mom! My hands are very small and if I take the sweets I can only take few.. But now you see when uncle gave with his big hands, How many more sweets I got! 

sweet baby story

MORAL OF THE FUNNY BABY STORY : 

When we take we may get little but when GOD gives He gives us more beyond our expectations more than what we can think of Because His blessings are more better than we can even imagine :)