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Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. 

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains? 

Everybody repeat after me: “We are all individuals.” 

If you are here —who is running hell? 

Support bacteria —they’re the only culture some people have. 

Isn’t it scary that doctors call what they do “practice”? 

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you. 

I want patience – AND I WANT IT NOW! 

Every organization is perfectly designed to get the results they are getting. 

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. 

A good laugh and long sleep are two best cures for anything. 

Some people are alive only, because it’s illegal to kill them. 

Life is a roller-coaster inside of a maze. 

Everybody is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes. 

When someone says, “You’ve Changed”, it simply means you’ve stopped living your life their way. 

There are three sides to an argument – your side, my side and the right side. 

Some people call me Mike, you can call me tonight. 

I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people. 

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people. 

Life is like photography, you use the negatives to develop. 

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Stop worrying about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia. 

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train. 

Train your mind to see good in everything. 

When nothing goes right, go left! 

Warning…I know KARATE…….And few other oriental words. 

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle. 

If there is a “WILL”, there are 500 relatives. 

Born to express not to impress. 

If you’ve never lost your mind, you’ve never followed your heart. 

The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes. 

I love my job only when I’m on vacation. 

If you like me, then raise your hand, If not then raise your standard. 

I am totally available! Please disturb me! 

Oh, so you wanna argue, bring it. I got my CAPS LOCK ON. 

I make mistakes; I’ll be the second to admit it. 

When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it. 

Silent people have the loudest minds. 

The trouble is that you think you’ve time! 

I am a good boy with lots of bad habits. 

Do more of what makes you happy. 

Never mind what I told you, you do as I tell you. 

I am not telling you it’s going to be easy. I am telling you it’s going to be worth it.