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Tuesday 31 December 2013
All Hilarious Funny Quotes
'Now it is your turn to enjoy while reading, watching and sharing these funny hilarious quotes and images because humor is real life. Things never happen itself, so humor! You have to make effort to make people laugh. Amusement, fun and comedy are great tool to win their hearts. You can use them to get success in every affair of your life. You can be more lovable and well-known person. So never hesitate and live life in a wonderful way. Your efforts can make their day so happy and delightful. It costs nothing. Wish you good luck.'
Monday 30 December 2013
Christmas With Louise
This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. It won first prize.
Christmas With Louise
As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.
What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.
If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.
I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.
Finding what I wanted was difficult. "Love Dolls" come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd never heard of. I settled for "Lovable Louise." She was at the bottom of the price scale.
To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life.
My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.
The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.
We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.
My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What in the hell is that?" she asked.
My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll."
"Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped.
I kept my mouth shut.
"Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.
"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said, to steer her into dining room.
But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?"
Again, I could have answered, but why would I It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, hang on!"
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, " Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?"
I told him she was Jay's friend.
A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the mantel, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.
Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.
Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health.
I can't wait until next Christmas.
Enjoy some more Funny Christmas quotes and sayings
Christmas With Louise
As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.
What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.
If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.
I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.
Finding what I wanted was difficult. "Love Dolls" come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd never heard of. I settled for "Lovable Louise." She was at the bottom of the price scale.
To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life.
My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.
The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.
We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.
My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What in the hell is that?" she asked.
My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll."
"Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped.
I kept my mouth shut.
"Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.
"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said, to steer her into dining room.
But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?"
Again, I could have answered, but why would I It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, hang on!"
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, " Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?"
I told him she was Jay's friend.
A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the mantel, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.
Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.
Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health.
I can't wait until next Christmas.
Enjoy some more Funny Christmas quotes and sayings
Saturday 28 December 2013
Fifty Four Year Old Woman and God : JOKE
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack & was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up ?"
God said, "No, you have another 34 years to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital & have a face-lift, liposuction,& tummy tuck.She even changed her hair color!
Finally she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the road on her way home...
she was killed by a truck.
Arriving in front of God, she asked,"You said I had another 34 years to live. Why didn’t you save me from the truck?"
...
......
...
......
...
God replied:
"I couldn’t recognize you!"
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up ?"
God said, "No, you have another 34 years to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital & have a face-lift, liposuction,& tummy tuck.She even changed her hair color!
Finally she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the road on her way home...
she was killed by a truck.
Arriving in front of God, she asked,"You said I had another 34 years to live. Why didn’t you save me from the truck?"
...
......
...
......
...
God replied:
"I couldn’t recognize you!"
Friday 27 December 2013
Funny Letter to NASA
You will surely enjoy this funny letter to NASA which is written by a man with very good hilarious sense of humor..
 |
| Funny letter to NASA |
Friday 20 December 2013
Ruswai Poetry | Urdu Shayari, Hindi Shayari & Sher o Shaeri
Kiss Darrjjaa Teray Piyaar Meay RuswaAiyaan MiLeein
,,
MaanGii Thii Qeiad ZuLaf Kee TanHaAyiaan MiLeein..??
,,
MaanGii Thii Qeiad ZuLaf Kee TanHaAyiaan MiLeein..??
Lehja Urdu Poetry & Shayari
Un Ka Lehja Rubaab Say Barh kar
Har Adaa Hey Shabaab Sey Barh Kar
Yoon To Masoom Hey Bohat Laikin
ShokhiyAan Hein Azaab Say Barh Ker
AarzoAon Per Hay Shaam Kee Surkhii
Hont Un Key GhuLaab Say Barh Kar
DiL Key Sheeshay May Aur Kiya Ho Ga
Us Haseen Mehtaab Say Barh Kar
Voh Jo Uss Kay BaGhair Guzrii Hey
ZindaGii Thii Azaab Sey Barh Kar
Keh Do Unn Say Kay Hey Koie Bhee Nahain
DiL May Meray Janaab Say Barh Kar..??
Har Adaa Hey Shabaab Sey Barh Kar
Yoon To Masoom Hey Bohat Laikin
ShokhiyAan Hein Azaab Say Barh Ker
AarzoAon Per Hay Shaam Kee Surkhii
Hont Un Key GhuLaab Say Barh Kar
DiL Key Sheeshay May Aur Kiya Ho Ga
Us Haseen Mehtaab Say Barh Kar
Voh Jo Uss Kay BaGhair Guzrii Hey
ZindaGii Thii Azaab Sey Barh Kar
Keh Do Unn Say Kay Hey Koie Bhee Nahain
DiL May Meray Janaab Say Barh Kar..??
ZindaGi Shayari ZindaGi Poetry ZindaGi Urdu Poetry Shayari
TanHaa Thee Aur HaMeShaa Seay Tanhaa Hay ZindaGii
Heay ZindaGii Kaa Naam", MaGar Keya Haey ZindaGii..??BeautiFuL TanhAai Urdu Poetry
Tanhai Key Sehraa May Yo'on Chhorh Kay ChaL Dainaa
Chhoti See Shikaayat Par Mounh Morh Key ChaL Deina
Yeh Kaisii MOHABBAT Hey
Yeh Kaisi RaFaQat Hay
Gar Paas-e-WAFA Rakhh Kar Tum Maan Barha Daitey
BeLous RaFaaQat Par
Emaan Barhaa Deitay
Main Fakhar Say Phirr Kehtaa
Tum Jaan-e-RafaaQat Ho
Tum Baab E MOHABBAT Ho
Tehreer-e-SadaaQat Ho
Yeh Sab Hey MaGar Tabb Bhee
Hay Mujh Ko YaQeen Abb Bhii
Jo Kuchh Bhii Kahaa Main Nay.
Shikwa Hey, Shikaayat Hay Laikin.?
Ye HaQeeQat Hey
Bass Tum Say
MOHABBAT Thii
Aur Tum Se MUHABBAT He
Jo Kuchh Bhee Kahaa Tum Ney
Jazbaat Kee Shiddat Thee
Bass WaQtii Inaayatt Thii..??
Urdu Nazam ZindaGi Urdu Poetry Shayari
ZindaGi TuM Ko MiLey
SuNo,,,
Garr,,,
ZindaGii TuM Ko MiLay
Toh Uss Seay Kehh Dainaa
Kay HaMm Ney Uss Ko ThukkRaa Karr
FaQat Saansoo'n Ko JheiLLaa Heay
KAbhee HaMm Jee Naheein PaAye
Sazaa-E-Umar Kaatii Hai
Rehhaa Bhee Ho Naheein PaAye..??
*New GhazaLs*
Merey Hont Terey Hontoon Par
Muhabbat Kee Kahaani Likhain Gey
Aa JaAo Merii Baanhoo'n May Jaan
Teray Naam Aaj Jawaanii Likhain Gey
Teray Naam Aaj Jawaanii Likhain Gey
Aik Doojay Kay Andar Jazab Ho Kar
Saansoon May Saansoon Kee Rawaanee Likhein Gay
JaLL JaAinGay Dono Muhabbat May
Aur Paani Se Paanii Per Paani LikheinGe
Saansoon May Saansoon Kee Rawaanee Likhein Gay
JaLL JaAinGay Dono Muhabbat May
Aur Paani Se Paanii Per Paani LikheinGe
LipatT JaAi'n Gay Duniya BhuLaa Kar
Doob Kar Tujh May Terey Naam ZindaGaani LikhainGe
Utarr JaAin Gy Saanso'on Kay Raastay Teray DiL May
Dharkan Mai Samma Kar Dharkan Ko Diwaani Likhein Gey
Doob Kar Tujh May Terey Naam ZindaGaani LikhainGe
Utarr JaAin Gy Saanso'on Kay Raastay Teray DiL May
Dharkan Mai Samma Kar Dharkan Ko Diwaani Likhein Gey
Chhoot Naa Paeye Gaa Tera Daman Jaan
Teray Naam Har Aik Raat Suhaanii Likhain Gay..??
Teray Naam Har Aik Raat Suhaanii Likhain Gay..??
Thursday 5 December 2013
Us K Chehre Par Chehra Poetry Chehra Urdu Poetry Chehra Shayari
Us K Sard Chehre Par
Har Kissi Key Chehrey Par
Aik Ziyyaa Sii Hotii Hay
Rukhh Kay Aik Hissay Mey
Hussan Kay ELaAeQay Maey
Aik Udaasi Hotii Hai
Uss Ko Main Nay Daikhhaa Thhaa
Garam Khomhino Maey
Aik Khushii Kee MehFiL Maey
Shehar Kay Makeenoon Mey
Ek TaRaf Kharray Tanhaa
Jiss TaRaf Ko Rastey Thhay
Jinn Kay Saath GaLiyaan Thhiin
Jinn Meay LoG Basstay Thhey
Be-Kashish Makaanoo'n Maey
Jeissay Chaand Raatein Theen
Uss Keay Sard Chehray Par
Khush-Gawaar Aankheein Theein..??
ZindaGi Shayari New ZindaGi Shayari ZindaGi Urdu Poetry
ZinDaGi
Zindagee Jabar MuSaLSaL Kee TarHaa'n Kaatti Hay
Jaanay Kiss Juram Kee PaAii Hai Sazaa Yaad Naheein..??
Urdu Sad GhazaLs
Ujrray Huway Harrappa Key Aasaar Kee Tarhaan
Zinda Hein LoG WaQatt Kee Raftaar Kee Tarahaan
Keya Rehna Aeisay Shehar Meay Majbooriyun kay Saath
Bikktay Hein LoG Shaam Ke Akhbaarr Kee Tarha'a
Bachoon Kaa Rizk Mout Key Juwey Meay Rakh Dieyaa
Circus Maey Koodtay Huwey Fankaar Kee Tarahaan
Waaday Zarooratoon Keee Nazar Kar Dieye Gaye
Rishttay Hein Saaray Reit Kee Deewaar Kii Tarha'an
Dost Merey Wajood Ko Sangsaar Karttey WaQatt
ShaamiL Thha Saara Shehar Aik Tehwaar Keei Tarhaan..??
Yaad Aaya Mujh Ko Urdu Great Sad Poetry Photos
Yaad Aaya Mujh Ko Manaana Tera
Haaye Yaad Aaya Mujhh Ko Manaanaa TaiRa
Aur Phir ShaRaM Say Aankhoon Ko Jhookaana TeiRa
Haaye Kaandhoon Seay Do'Pattay Ka Sarknaa To'aBaa
ShaRaM Say Phir Voh Do'Pattay Ko Othaana TeiRaa..??
Urdu GhazaLs Shayari Wohi Raste Wohi ManziLein
Wohii Raastey Wohii ManziLeein
Yoon Hee Ranjishoon May Guzar Gayee
Kabhee Wo KhaFaa
Kabhee Mein KhaFaa
inn Chaahtoon Key Morh Par
Kabhee Vo Rukaa
Kabhee Main Rukkaa
"
Wohi Raastay Wohi ManziLain
Naa Ussay Khabar
Naa Mujhay Pataa
Apnii Apnii Annaa May Gumm
Kabhi Voh Judaa
Kabhee Main Judaa..??
Yoon Hee Ranjishoon May Guzar Gayee
Kabhee Wo KhaFaa
Kabhee Mein KhaFaa
inn Chaahtoon Key Morh Par
Kabhee Vo Rukaa
Kabhee Main Rukkaa
"
Wohi Raastay Wohi ManziLain
Naa Ussay Khabar
Naa Mujhay Pataa
Apnii Apnii Annaa May Gumm
Kabhi Voh Judaa
Kabhee Main Judaa..??
Wednesday 4 December 2013
Common Things Between Frog And Watermelons
There are few Common Things Between Frog And Watermelons such as
Tuesday 3 December 2013
Monday 2 December 2013
Aanhein Urdu Ghazal Shayari Pics New Designed Aankhen Urdu Shayari
Jadogar Thii Aankhein Uss Ki
Baateein Kartey Hont Achaanak Rukk Jaatay Aur
Aankheein Uss Kee Peechhay Peechhay ChaL Parhti Thiin
Dheehaan Kar Rasttaa Kho Jaata Thhaa
MehFiL Meay Jiss Simat Voh Jaatii
KamReay Ka Woh Hissaa Jeissay Yakk-Dum Roshan Ho Jaata Thha
JaduGar Thhiin Aankhain Uss Kee
PaLkeein Thhiin Aik Raaz.?
Rooh JhhiL-MiLL Kar Deitii Thhii
Aessii Thii Aawaaazz..??
Baateein Kartey Hont Achaanak Rukk Jaatay Aur
Aankheein Uss Kee Peechhay Peechhay ChaL Parhti Thiin
Dheehaan Kar Rasttaa Kho Jaata Thhaa
MehFiL Meay Jiss Simat Voh Jaatii
KamReay Ka Woh Hissaa Jeissay Yakk-Dum Roshan Ho Jaata Thha
JaduGar Thhiin Aankhain Uss Kee
PaLkeein Thhiin Aik Raaz.?
Rooh JhhiL-MiLL Kar Deitii Thhii
Aessii Thii Aawaaazz..??
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