Drunk funny whatsapp status

Just figured i can rotate my head on 360 degree See
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Best Famous Quotes

Best famous quotes- some of em are funny and some not funny

The person who reads too much and uses his brain too little will fall into lazy habits of thinking. —Albert Einstein

The Gun Does Not Ask Questions, It Answers Them — Unknown


Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. —André Gide

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. —Aristotle

I’d rather live with a good question than a bad answer. —Aryeh Frimer

We learn something every day, and lots of times it’s that what we learned the day before was wrong. —Bill Vaughan

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter. —Blaise Pascal

Don’t ever wrestle with a pig. You’ll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it. —Cale Yarborough

An inventor is simply a fellow who doesn’t take his education too seriously. —Charles F. Kettering

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. —Christopher Hampton

Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. —Cyril Connolly

Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century. —Dame Edna Everage

I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. —Edith Sitwell

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for – in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it. —Ellen Goodman

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. —Ellen Parr

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t. —Erica Jong

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. —Gordon R. Dickson

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat. —Lily Tomlin

Never ascribe to malice, that which can be explained by incompetence. —Napoleon (Hanlon’s Razor)

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is. —Oscar Wilde

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. —Thomas Szasz

Those who forget the past, are condemned to relive it. — George Santayana

You can do anything, but not everything. —David Allen

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. —Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

The richest man is not he who has the most, but he who needs the least. —Unknown Author

You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take. —Wayne Gretzky

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. —Ambrose Redmoon

You must be the change you wish to see in the world. —Gandhi

When hungry, eat your rice; when tired, close your eyes. Fools may laugh at me, but wise men will know what I mean. —Lin-Chi

The third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking. —A. A. Milne

To the man who only has a hammer, everything he encounters begins to look like a nail. —Abraham Maslow

We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit. —Aristotle

A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. —Baltasar Gracian

Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old; seek what they sought. —Basho

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
—Lao-Tze

Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together. —Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do. —John Ruskin

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands but seeing with new eyes. —Marcel Proust

Work like you don’t need money, love like you’ve never been hurt, and dance like no one’s watching —Unknown Author

Try a thing you haven’t done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time, to figure out whether you like it or not. —Virgil Garnett Thomson

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. —Will Rogers

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. —Zig Ziglar

Please accept my resignation. I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.  — Groucho Marx

Funny Random Cute Quotes

Time to chill with funny random cute quotes ...

To be free means to choose, whose slave you want to be. - Jeanne Moreau

In the city one lives for his amusement, in the country for the entertainment of others. -Wilde

Let's "Shut your mouth!" Play, you may begin. - unknown author

To wearing heavy makeup and too little for the women always a sign of desperation. - Wilde

No one is as good or as bad as it's made ??during his divorce. - Disenberg JJ

I've had bad luck in my two previous marriages. The first wife left me, and the second did not. -Woody Allen

Love at first sight: The most common eye disease. - Gino Cervi

Calories are tiny animals who sew the clothes overnight close. - unknown author

The cleverer give in - a sad truth: they founded the world domination of the stupid. - Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

For entertainment, a party bears no one in as much as those who are not there. - Audrey Hepburn

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. About the universe, I'm not quite sure. Albert Einstein

Who is sitting in the dark lights, is a dream. - Nelly Sachs

Dear God, we thank you for nothing, and we have all paid for itself! - Bart Simpson

Nobody is as uninteresting as a person without interest. -Sir Thomas Browne

There is only one problem that is more difficult than winning friends: you get rid of. - Mark Twain

Marriage is an attempt to deal with two of the problems that we alone would never have had. - Woody Allen

In his choice of parents can not be too careful. - Paul Watzlawick

If you want to drown in an unhappy love alcohol is foolish. Because alcohol preserved. - Max Dauthendey

I'm actually quite different - I'm only too rarely do so. - Odon von Horvath

All are equal. Only the salaries are different. - unknown author

Anyway, it's better to be a little square to be nothing than a round. - Friedrich Hebbel

Half the people want to lose weight, starving the other half. - unknown author

Man consists of two parts - his brain and his body. But the body has more fun. - Woody Allen

Oktoberfest: Eye for an Eye - pitcher to pitcher. - Werner Mitsch

What count sheep to fall asleep if they want? - unknown author

The man bears the date in the bones, the woman in the face. - unknown author

The youth of today loves luxury, have bad manners and contempt for authority. They contradict their parents, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers. - Socrates

Yes, madam, I am drunk! Se but know wat? I'm sober tomorrow, but you will still be ugly!
original: Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will quietly be ugly. William Churchill

Iron Man 3 2013 Quotes

Time for Iron Man 3 quotes, some of emmm are really hilarious and funny, after all Tony Stark has funny sense of humor, i'm still waiting for the movie at local cinema ....

The Mandarin: Ladies, children, sheep... Some people call me a terrorist. I consider myself a teacher. Lesson number one: Heroes, there is no such thing.

Tony Stark: I have a lot of apologies to make... Nothing's been the same since New York. You experience things, and then they're over. I can't sleep, and when I do I have nightmares. Honestly, there's a hundred people who want to kill me. I hope I can protect the one thing I can't live without...


Tony Stark: I have a lot of apologies to make... I'm so sorry for putting you in harm's way... I'm going to find out who did this...

The Mandarin: You'll never see me coming...


Tony Stark: I'm Tony Stark. I build neat stuff, got a great girl, occasionally save the world. So why can't I sleep?

Tony Stark: [to Pepper] Things are different now, I have to protect the one thing that I can't live without. That's you.

The Mandarin: Mr Stark, today is the first day of what's left of your life.

Tony Stark: We do need backup...
James Rhodes: That's your department.
Tony Stark: There's my boys..


Tony Stark: You're not a man. You're nothing more than a maniac. I'm not afraid of you. No politics here: just good old fashioned revenge!

Aldrich Killian: The whole world's gonna be watching.

The Mandarin: I'm gonna offer the choice: do you want an empty life, or a meaningful death?

Sal Kennedy: You elected me on a single platform. I will defend this country at all costs. The Mandarin must be stopped!


 Tony Stark: [suits up] You know, it's moments like these when I realize how much of a superhero I am.
Pepper Potts: Wow!


Tony Stark: I'm here on a mission: fighting back.

Tony Stark: Dads leave. No need to be such a pussy about it.


Rescue: I got you!
Tony Stark: I got you first!

The Mandarin: My soldiers are coming. NOTHING can save you!
Tony Stark: We'll see about that.

Source of Iron Man 3 quotes http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1300854/

Rules of Math.. If it seems easy. You are doing it Wrong

Yawning is like your body's way of saying 18% battery left

Elementary school students quotes

Confession of a elementary school teacher in Germany, some are really funny and hilarious ...

I am a teacher of elementary school ... sometimes it can be very hard. Here are some examples of student essays that I've collected over the last 2 years:

-The train stopped with a screech of brakes and the passengers evacuated on the platform.
- "Last week, we took a field trip to Castle Wolfenstein, the class teacher, Miss Mueller joined us at this old ruin we saw the old chipped front and rear walls ... the loopholes.."
By-state rooms, the Knights also had heated woman.
-Everyone listened, as Luther in 1642 his 95 prostheses knocked at the Castle Church in Wittenberg.
Caesar made ​​the stock fully and everyone stood at attention in his pile.
Graf Zeppelin was the first to set sail in different directions.
-The pasture is located high in the mountains. There is the shepherd, and the dairymaid. In the spring becomes distended, abortion in the fall.
-Our school used to be an orphanage. It above the entrance reminds one hewn woman front receives a boy and a girl behind.
-A Catholic sister can not escape because they have to live his life in the monastery.
-The power of water is so great that even the strongest man can not hold it.
-We went to the zoo. It was a big monkey in the cage. My uncle was also there.
-With a strong, wide beam give the firefighters from their water.
-The Minister of Agriculture gathered together the farmers, as the pigs were eating too much.
-The Red Cross is dedicated to the men and women love. Some do it for free, others get paid.
-When the hunter saw the belly of the grandmother, he knew immediately what had happened. (from Little Red Riding Hood)
-Where now stand the ruins were, once proud and damsels in distress waiting for their extended knight.
-After the men had scratched 100m, the women wrapped from her 200m breaststroke.
-The matches must be well hidden, so they get no small children.
- ... and we went with our teacher walks in the park. Opposite the park was a house where the mothers give birth to their children. A uterus looked out the window and waved joyfully.
-Spring is the first of the 4 seasons. In the spring put the chicken eggs and potato farmers.
From the pig-uncle was taken to the barn and there summarily slaughtered with grandfather.
8 days ago, my father sat a tame goldfinch on the head. This was just on my way to work.
-My sister is very sick. She takes a pill every day. But does it secretly so that my parents not to worry.
-When our dog started barking at night, my mother went out and nursed him. The neighbors would otherwise upset.
-The moon is smaller than Earth. This was partly because he's so far away.
-The captain drew his sword, and shot the assailant.
-My aunt had such severe joint pain that she could barely lift his arms over his head. With it went her legs well.
-The period of Queen Elizabeth, took 30 years.
-If my mother had not made an escapade, she was the traffic accident to the victim. But it came with a black eye at the knee.
-When the men came back, they were frozen stiff. They stood around the crackling fire and warmed their stiff limbs.
-In the Middle Ages, people were not as old as today. They had also not as heavy traffic.
-I do not like when in an old movie only dead actor to play.
-Almost all breeds were represented. For review, the owners had their dogs come before the jury, most of them waving it joyfully with the tail.
-Then came the age of enlightenment. Since the people finally learned that one does not propagating through the bee or the stork, but how the children themselves make.
-When Mozart died, one has counted all his compositions and numbered and made a list. It is called the ankle directory.
-One of the most useful animals that we possess is the pig. From it, you can use everything as the meat from front to back, the skin for leather, bristles for brushes and the name of abuse.
Organ and piano differ primarily in that the organ pipes, the larger sit.
-The St. Lawrence River is in America. It is so long and wide that it would have no place in Europe.
-A Catholic sister can not escape because they have to live his life in the monastery.
-Etna is a very active volcano. Only last year, he again had a huge erection.
-A peninsula is an island that is not quite finished.
-Now Tell hid behind a bush, pulled the trigger and the work of liberation was done.
-Many dogs like to go into the water. Some even live there forever, these are the seals.
Schiller would have ended the drama with pleasure, but working on his bride stopped him.
Last Sunday, my father came home very late. He had passed away in the city park.
The figure skater-turned her pirouettes, while her skirt lifted own wind.
-The women's equality was realized. This also applies to traffic. Here, too, it takes the same position.
-Christians wanted that to love all people, and they did so at every opportunity. However, since the Romans had something about it.
-The problem with the old people will not die although less so many. But it grow for ever new.
-Today everyone can study without having to look at the bag to his father.
-During the Thirty Years War was known as the best and toughest soldiers muscular animals.
-People were formerly not so old, even though they had less traffic.
-A circle is a round square.
-All fish lay eggs. The Russian even caviar.
Butter is made ​​from cows. Otherwise it is margarine.
-The zoo is great. As you can see animals that are not's.
-My summer resort on the Baltic Sea was lovely. When I got up in the morning in bed, there was a wonderful sight.
-At the pond was a maid and was milking a cow. In the water it was vice versa.
-The horses wore rosettes in the national colors on the head, and dishes to the tails. Each man was decorated similarly.
-My aunt gave me a piggy bank. She was a pig and had two slots. One for the front and rear paper for Harte.
-Yesterday we had youth skiing. All minutes let the teacher drive one. If in an early came out, he sent it back.

Thirty funny reasons why it's wonderful to be a man

Thirty funny reasons why it's wonderful to be a man ...

1. Phone calls only last 30 seconds.

2. For 5-day vacations you need only ONE suitcase.

3. You do not treat the sex life of your friends.

4. The queues at the toilet are 80% shorter.

5. Old friends, it does not matter whether you have increased or decreased.

6. If you are zapping through TV channels, you need not stop when you see someone crying.

7. Your org-as-ms are not faked.

8. You do not need you to hold the rock, if you go up a flight of stairs.

9. You do not go in groups to the toilet.

10. You can shower in the morning and be ready in 10 minutes.

11. During s-e-x, you must not be worried about your reputation.

12. Your underwear costs $ 20 in packs of three.

13. It makes anyone a thing when you're 34 and not married yet.

14. You can 90% of your time after getting in sex thinking.

15. You have three pairs of shoes which is more than enough.

16. You can take off your shirt easy if you feel too hot.

17. You do not clean your apartment every time company comes.

18. Auto mechanic lie to you.

19. You can spend hours watching TV with a friend without saying a word, without thinking, "he's mad at me."

20. You can sit with her ​​legs spread, without thinking about it, what you're wearing now.

21. You get more money for the same work.

22. People look you not in the hole, when you talk with them.

23. You can visit a friend, without him to take a present.

24. You can buy condoms without the seller imagines how well you look naked.

25. P0-rn movies are made ​​for YOU.

26. You that a person is not sympathetic to say, still does not mean that you can imagine not having sex with her.

27. The remote control is yours alone.

28. There is always a TV channel that runs on just sports.

29. You know just a state of mind.

30. You you do not have to shave your legs ...

Funny Math Pickup Lines

Can i explore your mean value?

Since distance equals velocity x time, let's let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you.

i = Ø when i am not with you

My love for you is a monotonically increasing unbounded function

You are the solution to my homogeneous system of linear equations.

What's your favorite linear transformation?

Your beauty defies real and complex analysis.

I wish i were a derivative so i could lie tangent to your curves.

I'll take you to the limit as x approaches infinity.

Come on baby, let's off to a decimal place i know of and i'll take you to the limit.

Let's take each other to the limit to see if we converge

Let me integrate our curves so that i can increase our volume

If i were a function you would be my asymptote - i always tend towards you.

Your beauty cannot be spanned by a finite basis of vectors.

My love is like an exponential curve. it's unbounded

My love for you is like a fractal - it goes on forever.

My love for you is like the derivative of a concave up function because it is always increasing. we're going to assume this concave up function resembles x^2 so that slopes is actually increasing.

Short funny quotes

Short funny quotes for amusement and facebook status update, enjoy more on itshumour.blogspot.com

Many accidents occur in the home in the kitchen; Unfortunately, most of them come down on the table.

Character is only stubbornness, long live the gypsy.

One should not praise the mustard in a tube.

What is the gardener crocus, the plumber locus.

Students go to the cafeteria so long, until it breaks.

All that is fun is either immoral,prohibited by law or make you fat.

The first thing you lose on a slimming diet is a good mood.

The best thing about winter is that it is too cold to all to catch up the work, you are left in the summer because it was too hot.

A man with a large bank account can not be ugly.

Anyway, it's better to be a little square to be nothing than a round.

"Life is a lot like a roll of toilet paper: the closer you get to the end, the quicker it goes."

I was a beautiful baby, but then you have me mixed up in the hospital.

If I had not been born then I would have to play anyone at all.

When others think you are at the end, we must first start properly.

Youth is granted to us in order to repent of age.

You get old, to begin when people say that you look young.

The best reformers the world has ever seen are those who commence on themselves.


Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. - Irish Proverb

If no fools in the world would be, what would be the world? - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The head is round so that thoughts can change direction. - Francis Picabia

Humor is one of the best pieces of clothing that you can wear in society. - Shakespeare

Men are men in whom puberty and midlife crisis smoothly across. - Anke Engelke

Bart, you can even just hold the steering wheel? I have to scratch myself in two places! Homer Simpson
Aspirin did not do it, so I brought you some cigarettes. - Homer Simpson

The more often a stupidity is repeated, the more it gets the appearance of wisdom. - Voltaire

Marriage is the only lifelong conviction, when one can be pardoned because of poor leadership. - Alfred Hitchcock
We all live under the same sky, but we do not all have the same horizon.-  Konrad Hermann Joseph Adenauer

Natural mind can replace almost every level of education, but no formation of the natural mind. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Hunger Games Comic

Just recently released movie "Hunger Games" is popular and somebody has come up with the comic..

Faces of non animated objects

Faces of non-animated objects

Cool Funny Sayings and Quotes

Kindly enjoy cool funny sayings and quotes ..

Hope is a good thing - maybe the best thing, and no good thing ever dies

You can't deny laughter, when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants. -Stephen King

Never underestimate the power of an extremely pissed off woman - Anonymous

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know i am hilarious. - Anonymous

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Its just that yours is stupid.

When i am reading book and someone asks what i am reading, i never answer them. I just hold up the cover for them. - Anonymous

I would retaliate against your snotty remarks, but since you resemble a garden gnome, i would say the joke is on you.

If you're not good santa doesn't bring you many presents. Like, if you kill someone - that's pretty bad. Then you only get a yayo.

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail.. but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, Man, that was fun.

A guy make s a woman come, it is a talent.. A woman makes a guy come, its a standard.

I am not telling you its going to be easy, i am telling you its going to be worth it.

Sarcasm: the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.

Dependant yes, But also deductible.

Its all good except for poo poo. (Kids sayings) - Delia

Smile don’t frown Look up don’t look down Believe in yourself Don’t let yourself go Just be who you are And let your live flow.

I’m not a fighter. I usually smile and then go into my room and cry my eyes out.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

A smile confuses an approaching frown.

You are not fully dressed until you wear a smile.

If you’re not using your smile, you’re like a man with a million dollars in the bank and no checkbook.

Even if I am in a bad mood I have to smile and be nice to the fans.

A smile is a language that even a baby understands.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

A girl you proposed, saying I am not a good girl for you, you can find a nice girl better than me is like An IPHONE seller saying you can find China mobile better than IPHONE
For some more funny quotes ....

Interesting and Funny Facts

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!) 

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.  (Guys you wanna be pig in your next life right :) )

Cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.  (30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.  ( I want quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out ?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.  (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

Funny Questions Funny Things To Enjoy

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them but if they tell you a wall has

wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

Where is the cat in the catwalk?

Do models walk like cats?

Which idiot put an 's' in the word lisp?

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

Y2K???? maybe 1 K just wasn't enough.

If you had amnesia and then were cured, would you remember that you forgot?

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

Is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Do hyenas laugh even when they are being killed?

Why do we press harder on remote control buttons when we know the battery is dead?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

When you have your picture taken with Mickey Mouse at Disneyland, does the guy inside the costume smile for the camera?

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.

Wonder what would be the speed of lightning if it didn't zigzag?

Why do sky divers wear helmets ?

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

How can there be self-help groups?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does it wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

Where do forest rangers go for "get away from it all"?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

How many times do you use a disposable razor?

Why do banks charge you an 'insufficient funds' fee for money they already know you don't have?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the frying pan?

If our knees bent the other way, how would a chair look like?

If you are cross-eyed and dyslexic at the same time, would you see okay?

If you are in a vehicle going at the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

When a crash-test-dummy hits his head, and no engineers record the results, does he make a sound?

When it rains, the sky is completely covered in clouds. How does the rain get through?

Where can you buy those little plastic ends to put on your shoe laces?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive up ATM?

Why do we tend to raise our shoulders when we're out in the rain? 

Why is it that when You're driving and looking for an address, You turn down the volume of the radio?

Why is it that you see this written on car seat belts:? This seat belt does not offer any protection if it is not buckled up?

Why do they print warning labels telling you not to eat poisonous substances when there isn't a "serving suggestion" on the label?

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

What is the speed of dark?

Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...

I live on a one-way dead-end street. Makes sense ?

What would happen if there were no hypothetical questions?

If  these funny questions and funny things are not enough for your dose of  humor, kindly enjoy funny quotes here http://itshumour.blogspot.com/2010/06/twenty-hilarious-funny-quotes.html

Funny Cool Merry Christmas Sayings Quotes

Well, Christmas is around the corner and i guess you might like funny cool merry christmas sayings quotes which i have collected here from various sources so you can wish your friends or joke with them.  Merry Christmas !!

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included. ~ Bernard Manning.

Santa saw your Facebook photos. You're getting clothes and a dictionary for this Christmas - Santa Claus

Dear Santa, this year all i want is a fat bank account and a skinny body. Let's try not to mix up the two like you did last year, Ok ;)

How to open the buds of Barbara branch until Christmas, so let the man open up to the next light.

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. ~ Shirley Temple

A candle can burn once and really take the time to do anything further than this

Need to make Christmas purchases in crowded stores, causing Santa claustrophobia

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids to pay for it.

The goose to the priest: "Father, please tell me the truth, is there a life after Christmas?"

Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year. ~ P. J. O'Rourke

The most difficult task of the father for Christmas:
make the children understand that he is Santa Claus, and give the woman realized that he is not.

As God's child in the crib of straw, lay the heaven has kissed the earth.

A comfortable home, a glass of wine, a good roast -. by candlelight in abundance satisfaction
! and a merry Christmas

A kind word costs nothing, and yet it is the most beautiful of all gifts .

People that buys the football tickets for three months in advance and waiting with the Christmas shopping until Christmas Eve.

Christmas time! Who speaks of victory? Is standing on it!

I will honor Christmas in my heart and try to pick it up throughout the year.
(quote from Charles Dickens)

Gift means a different type something you would prefer to retain.

Actually, Christmas is a time of peace and reflection. However, then someone came up with the idea that there must be gifts.

Christmas is a feast of friends. Unfortunately there is far too little laugh.

When Christmas bells are ringing, the devil himself is mild.

We want to wish you a saint festivals of beauty, the fairest, the best of the good!

Be together in peace, to have time for each other, give love and warmth is, each to be light,
tell each other: "It's Christmas"

I wish you a Merry Christmas with snow and starry nights - and instead of a plastic tree real
with red apples in the trees. I wish you a Merry Christmas in native walls, and dry wood to the fire for a cozy warm nest.

'The market was very quiet as most investors did not want to take a significant position before the Christmas holidays.'

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. ~ Frank McKinney Hubbard

Funny and real t shirt slogans

Funny and real t shirt slogans, feel free to print these t shirt slogans on your t shirt and impress others ;)

1. "ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING."

2. "My Dog Can Lick Anyone."

3. "That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!"

4. "I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?"

5. "Party - My Crib - Two A.M." (for baby-size shirt)

6. "Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15."

7. "Rehab Is for Quitters."

8. "Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"

9. "Procrastinate Now."

10. "Frankly Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam."